During the last module of my education in body psychotherapy, one of the main topics was rigidity. I didn’t see myself as a rigid person (it turned out otherwise), and I believed that I successfully avoided fitting into molds. I used my rebelious nature as a shield to preserve my authenticity and live freely.
Rebellion as a driving force
If we accept that, to a certain extent, we’ve had to adapt to our family, friends, and the system, I think that rebellion has protected and guided me quite well.
When I say rebellion, I mean persistence, perseverance, strength, determination, a kind of inner activism where you fight for yourself and what you believe in.
These days, I’ve been reflecting a lot on this healing type of rebellion:
- How it never allowed me to give up on myself.
- How it helped me preserve my authenticity.
- How it always pushes me towards freedom.
While listening to stories from my colleagues in education, I realized how the lack of rebellion can be suffocating. Life breaks you, and you stop believing in yourself. I remember feeling very angry when they told me I couldn’t be the Little Mermaid. It’s precisely that feeling – the determination to prove otherwise – that I’m talking about.
Changes move you closer to freedom
When I got stuck in Bali during the pandemic, I spent most of my time meditating and listening to the waves. There, I found myself in a bubble of people working on themselves, therapists, coaches, healers.
Surrounded by that energy, I felt a strong push to become a therapist. For the first time, I felt I had the capacity for it and that my story could be inspiring and healing to someone.
Someone who dreams of freedom but feels trapped.
I didn’t know how I would do it or if it was possible, but I started looking for ways to do it.
I was in the process of changing my career for the fifth time. I could never stay in jobs where I felt like I was losing myself. My rebellious nature, the need for freedom, and the inability to pretend I’m okay when I’m not always pulled me towards change.
I soon started working for a coach as her virtual assistant. With Esther, I learned what that job really looks like, how it’s organized, and what it takes to succeed. I still work with her because I was fortunate enough to meet an employer who gives me the freedom to learn and move in the direction that drives me. Thanks to her energy and our relationship, we’ve been working together for four years. If someone had told me, I wouldn’t have believed it.
It will happen when you least expect it
Every time I chose the path that brought me closer to my dream at the crossroads of life, the path became brighter and more solid.
After a few years of searching, part of me gave up on the idea of becoming a therapist. I started to get comfy in the security of my job even though I wasn’t completely satisfied. It was right on the edge of my comfort zone.
Until one summer, I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. My body signaled that something was wrong, and in a panic, I fled from Italy, where I was at the time. I felt like that pain would last forever if I didn’t deal with it immediately.
I started therapy, massages, and eventually, dancing. There, I met a friend who connected me with someone who could help me. And so, through a friend of a friend, I heard about body psychotherapy.
While listening about body psychotherapy, I kept nodding because everything I heard, I had also talked about and fully believed in. Our body is our best asset when we learn to listen to it.
After the first workshop and learning that body psychotherapy is connected to dance, I was sold. I enrolled in the education and committed to four years of learning and working on myself.
Exploring authenticity
A significant part of the journey is behind me. I know this because I couldn’t have imagined my life as it is now. I feel in my body and soul that I’m here because I didn’t give up on myself, no matter how much I wanted to sometimes.
I might have thought it was a matter of character if I hadn’t gone through several depressive episodes myself. I’m aware of how easy it is to give up and surrender. There were days when I couldn’t get out of bed, and brushing my teeth was a challenge.
I’ll write about depression another time. Here, I want to focus on the positive that came out of it. I want to tell you that change is possible!
What I want to share and live by is precisely that part. Healing rebellion, freedom, and authenticity. Everything that makes us alive.
When life flows through you, everything aligns to fulfill your dreams. No matter how cliché it sounds.
Every day, I see more clearly what kind of therapist I want to become. I’m playing with the idea of myself as a traveling therapist, workshops in nature, building community, retreats by the sea… I get goosebumps thinking about that idea.
Until it materializes, I’m opening up space for you to reach out and get to know me. On the contact page, you can schedule a free meeting with me, or follow me on Instagram.